


dine with the blood on my hands

by aHostileRainbow



Series: Mostly BAMF: A Collection of Small Fries Kicking Ass (Literally or Figuratively) [25]
Category: The Hobbit - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe, BAMF Bilbo Baggins, Bilbo is So Done, Drabble, Gen, Thorin Is an Idiot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-09
Updated: 2019-08-09
Packaged: 2020-08-13 11:03:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 525
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20173192
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aHostileRainbow/pseuds/aHostileRainbow
Summary: What if the dwarvesdidbreak one of Belladonna Took's prized dishes?[Another AU snapshot of Bilbo Baggins losing his temper and being a BAMF about it.]





	dine with the blood on my hands

Bilbo clutched the jagged halves of a china plate without speaking for a long, breathless moment as the merry dwarves came to a standstill around him. Letting his eyes skip over them as if they didn't exist, Bilbo caught Gandalf's eye at the door.

"Gandalf, please escort your guests to the parlor while I finish up here."

Gandalf drew a gusty breath and started in with a, "Bilbo, my lad," and no. Bilbo was _done_.

"Remove them, Gandalf, at once. Or first thing in the morning I will be visiting Grandfather Took and by Sunsday not even Mother's memory will be enough to see you welcomed by any living soul in Shire. I am quite out of patience with being treated as if I have no will and no voice and no value in my own home. Having known my mother as well as you claim, I'm sure you understand that the end of hobbit patience is _the end_."

Gandalf was gratifyingly silent as Bilbo turned away without another word. The wizard sighed, but also firmly directed the dwarves out of the room and so Bilbo ignored everything but the tableware he was gathering from the floor.

There was a barely whispered argument begun at his back, though, as he rose from his knees with full arms. Glancing over, Bilbo saw a clearly furious Thorin Oakenshield, last dwarf standing, trying to intimidate a wizard twice his height who was hissing invectives and attempting to herd the dwarf out with his staff like a recalcitrant sheep.

Bilbo decided to leave them to it while he unloaded his stack of dishes, but then he heard the muffled roar of Oakenshield declaring some rot about kings and grocers and _do not have time for tantrums_. Gently setting his stack of plates on the table, he approached the increasingly noisy pair. Clearing his throat when he was just at Oakenshield's back, the tiny part of him that was not crying or shrieking or snarling started to laugh at how they both startled. Oakenshield whirled toward him with one hand going to his weapon, even, and Bilbo let a mean little smile stretch his mouth as he looked up into the dwarf's wide-eyed face. Grocer indeed.

"It is plain you know nothing of hobbits and even less of me, Mr. Oakenshield, and I am increasingly thankful with every word out of your mouth that you are king in nothing but name. I cannot think of a single creature less deserving of the honor to serve and represent his people than one so bitter, blind, and ignorant that he cannot fathom even common courtesies between a guest and his host.

"Please be silent and listen to the wizard now lest I decide your utter lack of manners is enough cause for me to forgo mine and leave you to sleep in the garden. Or better yet, in the fireplace."

And yes, that was a cruel threat for one who had lost his home to dragon fire, but Bilbo had never claimed to be a saint. He hardly even felt guilty for how flushed and then pale Oakenshield turned at his words.


End file.
